Let ...

Let me just laugh and add in here that apparently my mood and my music don't always match. I AM happy, but yes, I have a fairly dark and depressingish song stuck in my head...

I am jus...

I am just going to start by saying that I'm insane. I am completely and totally insane. I just don't get it at all!I've lived in LA for 10 months now, going on 11. In the time that I have lived here, any ability to write has completely left me. For the first 8 months that I lived here, I doubt that I wrote even a dozen pages that entire time. It got to the point where I was beginning to fear that writing was NOT my thing anymore and I'd have to find a new direction once again.Then, as suddenly as it stopped, it started again a few weeks ago. I started an original novel a month ago that I absolutely loved the idea for. To this day I still believe that it's the most creative idea that I've ever had. I intend to stick with it and finish it with every ounce of my being.But then Harry Potter fanfic happened. I got an addiction to reading the stuff, and then the ideas started coming. And. They. Won't. Stop.Now, at this point in time, I have had *five* ideas for Harry Potter fanfics, I believe in the past 2 weeks. Five. Only ONE of those five I have managed to refrain from starting to write. Out of the four that I have started to write now, only ONE is a short story.I haven't touched my novel since the fic ideas started coming. Now, mind you I'm not complaining. I'd rather be writing than not. Sarah keeps saying that she's afraid to start reading HP fic because she knows the same will happen to her and she doesn't want to write any more fanfic. I kept saying the same thing before this happened, but the truth was that I didn't want to write anymore ROSWELL fanfic, because my muse is definitely done with the Roswell universe.The thing is, it's better to be writing something than nothing. I wanted to stop writing fanfic because I didn't want to write Roswell anymore, not because I felt that my writing had grown enough to handle the original stuff. I still have a LOT of growing that I need to do in the writerly sense. A lot. And personally, I have no problem with doing that through various forms of fanfic for as long as necessary. Until I hit a point where I CAN'T grow through fanfic anymore.At this point in time though, I'm just so very happy to be writing again. It just feels so good. Things just fit together better for me when I can write. And that 8 month break was just entirely too long.

Because I still love doing these things, and I'm procrastinating on an e-mail I should be writing...

1. First Name? Anne2. Were you named after anyone? Yes...I believe my mom's grandmother. 3. Do you wish on stars? No...not really. I'm definitely a wisher and a dreamer, but I do it in my own head, not on stars or four leaf clovers, or anything along those lines.4. When did you last cry? hmmm...sadly, I don't know! I'm trying to think, but I'm not sure. To venture a guess I'm going to say the day that Geof stood me up at the beginning of June. 5. Do you like your handwriting? Not particularly.6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey7. What is your birth date?February 16, 19818. What is your most embarrassing CD? Hmmm...none. I just looked at my CD collection, and nothing made me blush. But I do have a tendancy to get rid of CDs I no longer want. I know I used to have N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys. But no longer. 9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?Depends on who I was! hee!10. Are you a daredevil? Me and daredevil? Two words that I never thought would ever be spoken in the same sentence. Unless it's regarding the movie, Daredevil with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. Seeing as I love both of them, that would be a possiblility. 11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?Probably. Yes. I'm sure of it. I know I've told secrets of my OWN that I swore never to tell anyone. Stupid ass... I've never been able to keep my mouth shut.12. Do looks matter? I don't want to be so petty to say that looks matter. After all, I've rarely been one to care about my own looks. But I won't deny that when it comes to me falling for someone, there has to be some form of physical attraction for it to start. I made the mistake once of dating a guy who I found physically appalling and it was an absolute disaster. So yes, looks matter, but I do believe that other things are more important. I'm definitely a personality girl. 13. How do you release anger? Usually through writing. My own personal handwritten journal is a good way to do that. Sometimes just getting away, getting alone, and writing out my feelings just really makes it go away. And sometimes not. 14. Where is your second home? Santa Cruz, camp. 15. Do you trust others easily? Too easily I think. I've gotten burned way too many times, yet I still never seem to learn my lesson. I get attached too easily, and then it all blows up in my face.16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A stuffed bunny17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Math. I hate math. Math is evil. And even to this day, it still haunts me.18. Do you have a journal? Two! My livejournal and my journal-journal! 19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not constantly, but definitely a fair amount. lol.20. Favorite movie(s)? Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Top o' the list at the moment. Below it though would include the Princess Bride, Chasing Amy, Vanilla Sky, Almost Famous, Spiderman 2, Boys on the Side, The Lion King, Love Actually. 23. Would you bungee jump? Not in a million years. I'm terrified of drops.24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope26. Do you think that you are strong? Interesting question. I know that I am extremely independent, and I often translate that into strength. I know how to survive on my own, and I'm very good at it. I'm extremely self reliant. Whether or not that makes me strong, I'm not sure. I do have a tendancy to be a fraidy-cat over a lot of things, and I am very easily intimidated. 27. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Ben and Jerry's One Sweet Whirled28. Shoe Size? 9.5-1029. What are your favorite colors? Various shades of blue, green, and purple30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My inability to lose weight no matter how hard I try. I gave up a long time ago.31. Who do you miss most? My two best friends, Jen and Mel. I'd do anything to have them here with me in LA. 32. Do you want everyone you send this to to send it back? It's up to them. I don't care either way. I enjoy doing them, but I know most people find them annoying.33. What colors are you wearing? Blue and grey - camp t-shirt and pj shorts.34. What are you listening to right now? The sound of my neighbor's air conditioning through the window. 35. Last thing you ate?A chocolate and caramel brownie. 36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Hell if I know...I never imagined myself as a crayon.37. What is the weather like right now? It's fairly cool out. It's night, and we're between heat waves, so probably low 70's? Maybe? 38. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mother. bah! Or does my brother's answering machine count?39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Usually hair. And smile. The last guy I fell for had an amazing smile. It did me in.40. Do you like the person who sent this to you?Yeah, Lee Ann's my movie buddy!41. How Are You Today? Okay. Tired as hell, actually. As a result a bit on the subdued side. I'm stressed about money, and trying not to think about it.42. Favorite Drink? Alcoholic: Sex on the Beach or Midori Sour Non-alcoholic: Mt. Dew43. Favorite sport? Baseball. Go A's, baby! First place in the west!44. Hair Color?Brown45. Eye Color? Brown46. Do you wear contacts? Nope48. Favorite Food? San Francisco Sourdough Bread. How I miss thee, being in LA. I never noticed that they didn't have good Sourdough bread here until I moved here. 49. Last Movie You Watched? The Bourne Supremecy...yesterday in the theater. Before that it was Donnie Darko, before that Harry Potter POA. 50. Favorite Day Of The Year? I don't really have one. I've never been much of a holiday person. I like my birthday, but I always get my expectations too high. I think I'm really a normal, day to day person. You never know when the best day is going to be, so how can you pick a favorite?51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Definitely happy endings. I hate scary movies!52. Summer Or Winter?Winter. I love snuggling up in my sweaters, listening to the rain. I miss the rain being in LA. 53. Hugs OR Kisses? Ask me when I've properly had both. 55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Ben and Jerry's One Sweet Whirled Ice Cream56. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Nobody57. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Nobody58. Living Arrangements? Lovely lower apartment in Studio City. 3 bedroom, 2 bath. Two lovely roommates who I adore.59. What Book Are You Reading? I'm reading a fantasy novel called A Game of Thrones. And rereading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? A photo of me and Jen taken at camp last summer during campfire.61. Favorite Game? Snood. It's addictive. Don't try this at home!62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?I didn't. I saw Bourne Supremecy in the theater and then sat at home and read fanfic all night.63. Favorite Smells? Anything pine. The ocean. Particularly both together64. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles65. Favorite singer(s)? Sarah McLachlan, Dido, Rob Thomas66. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism?Not sure. I'm a proof person though, so probably Evolution.67. What's the furthest you've been from home?Prague, Czech Republic. And it's amazing.

Movie Ramblings

So, I just took Rachel to see the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko for her birthday. It's, like, her favorite movie in the world I think, with the possible exception of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, yet she and I have never watched it together before. We've discussed it numerous times, and she even gave me her spare copy of it to keep, but we've never seen it together. For a movie I enjoy, it's kind of surprising that it was only my 3rd time ever seeing it, seeing as I have one of these multi-viewing personalities. As a result the differences between the original and the director's cut aren't TOO obvious to me, but I definitely noticed a *lot* of bonus material. Rachel noticed a lot more than me for sure.The last time I watched Donnie Darko was probably three or four months ago now, when Rachel gave me her spare copy. I sat at home and watched it alone late one night while Steph was gone and Sarah was at work, and I remember turning it off and feeling extremely disturbed. I remember not being able to sleep for quite a while after seeing it. Maybe it's because I was alone, so the parts of the movie that are more disturbing stuck with me longer. Though I would think that on the big screen when I can't drag my eyes away it would disturb me more, but no, it didn't.One of my theories is that perhaps I'm not feeling as disturbed this time because the director's cut had more heartwarming moments mixed in with the disturbing ones. Particularly sticking out in my mind are a few scenes between Donnie and Gretchen that I don't remember from the original, and a rather amusing bonding moment between Donnie and his dad. Or hell, maybe it was the company, because I know how much Rachel gets giddy just talking about the movie. I was laughing because during the previews and pre-movie stuff she had this giddy grin on her face that exactly mirrored the look on MY face when I went to see Harry Potter for the eighth time on Friday. Us addicts are so silly and fun. Anyway, I very thoroughly enjoyed it this time around, and am toying with trying to drag Sarah to see it again. She's never seen it at all, and I honestly believe that it's a movie worth seeing by anyone who enjoys quality filmmaking. Go Donnie Darko!And since I AM rambling about movies tonight, yes, the self admitted addict did go see Harry Potter an eighth time, as I said a moment ago. I'm *sure* it'll be the last time too. I walked out of the theater resigned to the fact that I will not be able to see it again until November 23rd (upon which I WILL be seeing it again complete with bonus footage. Oh yes, I will...)Obviously as I have seen it eight times, you'd think I'd have the movie commited to memory by now, but I will tell you that every time I've seen it, I notice something new. This particular time it was Sir Cadogan running around in the portraits in the background of the whole freaking movie. I'd noticed him before here and there, but I definitely saw more of him this time around. And I finally caught Alfonso's portrait cameo...though I have yet to find him in the Three Broomsticks scene. It's just so fast, I can't focus on everyone in the picture at once. Particularly on the massive IMAX screen. lol.And speaking of IMAX, let me just say that *nothing* beats seeing that movie in IMAX. The picture is just so overwhelming. It just blows me away and takes my breath away every time. My only irritation is that every time I've seen it in IMAX something has gone wrong with the picture. The first two times there was a speck on the screen that wouldn't go away. I could ignore it when it wasn't on Dan's FACE. But half the time it would end up there, seeing as he's in every scene of the movie and all. The third time on IMAX the picture went out for about three minutes (over the scene when Hermione and Ron have just returned from the first Hogsmeade visit and they find the Fat Lady's portrait attacked.). This time...damn dancing hairs. It was like someone dropped a clump of hair over the projector screen and it just kept blowing around in there. The funny part was that none of us was willing to get up and complain. We all had the movie so stuck in our memories that we knew we'd be missing so many good parts if we did something, so we just stuck it out until someone finally took care of it. It was like... "Hair annoying....but... can't..miss...one... second...of......Harry........."How in the world am I going to survive until November? sigh. Addictions suck when they can't be properly fed. At least in the height of my Roswell obsession I always had tapes to watch. Of course I have Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets...and the books...but none of them are the same! Azkaban was SO much better of a film. The camera work just takes my breath away. I'm a sucker for a visually interesting movie. Not to mention I'm a sucker for the cuteness that is Dan. blah. I'm going to hell.

Hmm......

Hmm....according to Sarah when it's 1:30am and I'm completely exhausted and rambling at the computer, I type in a manner somewhat similar to how Stevie Wonder plays piano. She walked in on me mid-update last night and started making fun of me. My excuse? I was tired, man! It's a rare day when I'm still up past midnight!

ramblings...

I wish I had something really worthy to share, but I don't. However I want to post, so I'm just going to ramble. I hope no one minds and feels that I'm wasting your time by letting you read this, when there's absolutely no point or purpose to it whatsoever.It's 1am - much, much later than I typically allow myself to stay up, however I'm not quite tired enough to sleep yet and I don't have to work tomorrow, therefore I still sit here. I did absolutely nothing productive tonight. Pretty much I just wasted away my hours reading a mediocre 31 chapter H/Hr fic. Sigh. Why did I have to fall in love with a fandom and a shipper couple that's mostly followed by teenagers? I mean, really. The amount of quality fic I've found is minimal, yet I can't stop reading the cruddy fic because I'm addicted. It's a sad, sad state I'm in. Which is probably why I gave in and started writing some. Because, dammit, there needs to be more good H/Hr fic!Sarah's cat is freaking out right now. He's been acting really weird for two weeks now since her other cat died. Mostly depressed, but occasionally he just freaks out and starts running around meowing endlessly - as he is right now. I wish I was more of a pet person so that I could help, but honestly, I'm just not. I feel for the poor guy - it sucks to lose your best friend. Yet sometimes, like 1am on a Thursday night, I just want to be left alone.I got strangely nostalgic tonight. I have been a fair amount lately. It comes with the summer. The temperature rises and I start to live in the past. It always happens. The strange part about tonight was that I was nostalgic about high school, which IS an extreme rarity. Typically when I think back to my high school friends I get angry and bitter, but tonight I just got sad and found myself wondering where they are and what they're doing. The thought has crossed my mind a number of times that someone I used to be friends with COULD be here in LA and I wouldn't even know it. I don't know why it sometimes matters to me. It's all a part of the distant past now and even on the rare nights like tonight where I wonder I know I'll never know where they are and what they're doing. And I also know that even if I did know I might not even WANT to have anything to do with them when the opportunity arises. After all, more times than not I just don't care.Saturday is a momentus day. July 31st. My dear friend Rachel's birthday. My oldest camp friend at that. I so rarely express it, but I love having her around all the time. It was such a strange transition, going from back home where I had nobody at all to LA where I was suddenly surrounded by close friends. I needed it so much, and moreso than anyone else here in LA, having her here is just the best. I think we're going to see the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko for her birthday. Mmmmm...Jake Gyllenhall. Psychotic Jake Gyllenhall...but still ;)Saturday would also be Harry Potter's birthday, yes, as in the fictional character. We're going to see PoA one last time in the theater tomorrow in honor of his birthday. Yes, I'm a huge nerd. I admit it openly. It's a step away from leaving the theaters. They're only running daytime showings now, so I'm assuming it'll be my last chance to see it before November 23rd. Sigh. That's a long time from now. A REALLY long time from now. Thank God for my screensaver. And fanfic. But hey, at least then we'll have bonus footage. *mmm....pauses and thinks about bonus footage*So aside from being HP day, tomorrow's my get things done day. I'm going to do some reorganizing in my bedroom. Sarah gave me some new shelves to play around with. I get to finally pull myself out of debt...at least until my rent check goes through. Car wash, and writing. I *had* planned to get up early and go take care of things before noon, but seeing as it's now 1:30 in the morning I'll make the assumption that I'll be sleeping until 10. Ah well. At least I can get things done in the early afternnon. Okay...shutting up.

Oh dear God...

I'm in a state of absolute shock right now. I came home from work tonight and Sarah had news for me. She volunteered to be a reporter for a new magazine that's coming out, and since we're in LA they thought she might be in a good spot for celebrity interviews. ACK! How cool is that? Well, it gets better. They'd need a photographer too. And she suggested me. Nothing's for certain yet, but I may very well be taking pictures for a magazine publication. AHHHHHHHH!!! That would be just unbelievable!

Je...

Jerry's Oreo Cookie Cake is pure bliss. My random thought of the hour. How glad am I to live around the corner from Jerry's? And how evil and detrimental is it for me? Sigh. Bliss.

Je...

Jerry's Oreo Cookie Cake is pure bliss. My random thought of the hour. How glad am I to live around the corner from Jerry's? And how evil and detrimental is it for me? Sigh. Bliss.

Oka...

Okay, so two years ago today I left London, and I have yet to go back. Not that it's surprising seeing as I'm a broke college drop out who's continually talking about going back but never making an effort to do so, but all the same. That's my thought for today. It's now been two years, and ever since I went to London I've been wanting to go back to live. I swore when I left London that I would come home, move to LA, finish college, and then when I hit 24 I would apply to work at Pax Lodge and go back. Now here I am halfway between 23 and 24 and I am no closer to finishing college than I was when I left London. And now it seems like it would be detrimental to just pick up, go work at Pax Lodge, and put off school even longer.I still want to go though. Live in London. I know for a fact that it's where I'm going next. I guess you can say that my friends have really reinspired my faith in that recently. I've heard from more than one person recently how much it amazes them how I make things happen for myself - at least things that I really want. I said that I was going to move to LA and I did it. And it WORKED for me. I think before I did it that was always my biggest doubt. Will I go to LA and find myself miserably living out my existence until I finally escape? But it didn't happen at all. I adjusted. I like it. And overall, I'm happier here than I was in LA. I miss my two best friends in the world dearly. My visit to them last weekend has just further proven that to me. But I'm happy with where I'm at for ME.Before I even made it here, I knew that London was going to be next, and yeah, sometimes I have doubts. It's a long way to move, and it'll be expensive and scary and new. But I want to try it and I want to do it and I WILL do it. I'm now for the first time actually toying with studying abroad. Trying to do an exchange program in London or Oxford or somewhere similar. Being able to pull it off financially is my biggest fear, but dammit, I'm going to do it.

Have I m...

Have I mentioned that Sarah and I are terrible influences on each other? Yeah, that's the part I forgot to mention yesterday. We are *so* silly together, and we totally egg each other on. It's awful. lol. Yesterday, walking through the art galleries, the most ridiculous things would remind us both of Harry Potter, and then we would end up in giggling fits. Which makes me SO glad that I've mastered silent giggling, because damn art galleries are quiet. I remember we walked by one portrait that reminded me of a picture Sarah has on her computer of Topher Grace, so I grabbed her and was like, "What does that remind you of?" She looks at me and says, "Harry Potter!" (in a fake English accent). I burst out laughing. Apparently she has a bigger one-track mind than me!Seriously though, it's nice to have someone here to constantly share the obsession with. It makes me feel a little less silly about it all, just having someone physical to talk about it to. Oh, and by the way, I took a Harry Potter Obsession quiz last night off of Mugglenet.com, and I only scored a 30% obsessed on it. According to the quiz I still have a life. Woo hoo!

Oo...

Oops! I almost forgot... Happy Birthday Dan Radcliffe ;) You adorable little 15 year old, you! I celebrate on your behalf!

On ...

On occasion it's just nice to get out and do something memorable on your day off. My plan for today had been pretty straightforward. I was going to sleep in, stay in, and do nothing in an attempt to not spend any money. I covered the sleep in part. I slept like a log last night and it felt great, though I fear I'm going to regret it when I try to go to bed after this. I never sleep well after sleeping in. My biggest plan for the day was to make some significant progress on my fic. Well, I started typing it out of my notebook, but barely got a full page onto the computer. Still, it is progress compared to where it was before. But the staying in part is where I failed miserably...in a good way!Sarah and I decided to spend the afternoon at the Getty Center today. It's been a plan for a while now. I think I've been wanting to go since I first moved to LA last Septemberm but for some reason the proper opportunity never presented itself. But today it finally came. They've been having a special exhibit on "Photographers of Genius" that I've been dying to check out, and it closes in two days, so I felt like I couldn't put it off any longer. And I'm so glad we went! I *love* the Getty. It's absolutely incredible! The archetecture, the view, the gardens, the art...it's all incredible. I felt so cultured! lol! Silly thing to be thinking, but when you're living in the heart of Los Angeles with the smog and the traffic and the pettiness, a little culture is a nice transition. I felt like I was in Europe again, scouring through the collections at the Musee de Orsay or the Courtauld Institute. They had four Monets, two Renoirs, a Van Gogh. I loved it. I was mesmerized. There's nothing like standing in front of a masterpiece and just FEELING it. I believe that the Getty is one of my new favorite spots. It's free admission, just costs to park, so I'm thinking I may try to go up there more often. I imagine with the gardens and the view it would make an incredibly inspiring writing spot. Not to mention whenever I need a wrist break I can run through the gallery to see the impressionists. sigh. I MUST remember how amazing today felt. It's just a necessity.